Women, submit yourselves to your husbands! This is how St. Peter begins his advice to women. One might wonder if this advice represents the morality of a patriarchal culture. Was St. Peter promoting male dominance? He didn't say, "Men, submit yourselves to your wives!"
I have had the opportunity to attend a wedding in the past week. I joined the family and friends praying for the new couple and wishing them the best possible life. Two days before the wedding, when I happened to meet the bride, whom I had known since her childhood, I felt the need to communicate to her a word of blessing and a word of advice. I thought the best advice I could give her was the one St. Peter gave to the women of his time. I opened the First letter of St. Peter from the Bible and read it along with her. Although I have been familiar with this passage all my life, this time I read it to understand exactly what St. Peter was telling, and also to find out if his advice is still relevant in our time.
St. Peter advises wives and husbands separately, but the focus of his advice is on how a wife and husband can maintain their relationship intact. Two separate individuals who lead their separate lives, a man and a woman, come together to live their life together -- to eat together, to work together, to manage their home together, to sleep together, and to bring up their children together. They are supposed to stay together supporting each other until the very end. It is easy for two individuals to get attracted to each other, and then decide to live together. But it is not easy to keep their relationship and commitment intact all the way to the end. St. Peter gives a few pieces of advice that would help a couple stay united in their commitment to each other.
There will be situations in daily life when a husband and wife cannot agree with each other. What should they do in such situations? Let us imagine a situation in which a woman feels that she is right and her husband is acting silly and stupid. She wants to correct him. But how? This is a delicate situation indeed. If things are not handled right, their relationship can get strained, and eventually, they may end up having their separate lives again. Women usually have better verbal skills than men. A woman is often tempted to reason with her husband to convince him how she is right and how he is wrong. St. Peter advises the women of his time not to give in to such a temptation. This is similar to the temptation Adam and Eve had to face in the Garden of Eden, where each of them tried to prove him/herself right condemning the others wrong, and the result was a broken relationship. St. Peter suggests an alternative. Instead of arguing with her husband to convince him how foolish he is, she needs to be a role model to him by her behavior. In this way, she will be able to win her husband's heart. This is a call to rise to a higher level, with a lot of self-discipline and patience. Although such a woman looks very submissive, this submissiveness is not one of weakness or of failure, but of strength and victory. This victory is not just for herself, but for her husband too. If their relationship breaks, both of them fail; if they keep their relationship intact, they both win.
There is another major temptation women have to face-- to adorn themselves by braiding hair, with ornaments, and with fine clothes. Calling such adorments outward and temporary, St. Peter suggests another kind of adornment that is inward and permanent. A gentle behavior and a positive and thankful attitude are inward adornments that keep a woman beautiful always and everywhere. Without wasting their precious time, efforts, and money for external and temporary adornments, let women focus on what makes them really beautiful. Women are tempted to focus on external and temporary adornments in a culture that focuses on external adornments rather than on internal ones. In a culture in which a woman is praised for what she wears, rather than for her attitude and behavior, women tend to focus more on the externals.
St. Peter advises men to honor their wives, for they have equal rights before God. He concludes with an advice to all-- love one another, have a tender heart, and have a humble spirit. Do not repay evil for evil, but repay evil with a blessing.
St. Peter was not promoting male dominance. Nor was he promoting female dominance. He was promoting a culture in which there is no dominance of any kind. It is possible for both a man and a woman to get united as parts of a body. For example, the two feet in our body carry our body forward by cooperating with each other. Such a cooperation is possible for a man and a woman in a family setting.
Is St. Peter's advice relevant in our times? I think so. Ours is a time when family is dwindling and divorce rates are skyrocketing. There needs to be a conscious and sustained effort from husbands,wives, and also from everyone around them. Both men and women need to refrain from self-justification. This is an attempt to gain mastery not by force but by love. Women also need to learn to focus on internal beauty rather than on external beauty. Let us all turn from externals to internals. Let us stop praising people for what they wear, and let us start praising people for their positive attitude and for their good deeds. Let us create a culture in which neither men nor women dominate, but cooperate with one other, caring for and supporting one another.
I have had the opportunity to attend a wedding in the past week. I joined the family and friends praying for the new couple and wishing them the best possible life. Two days before the wedding, when I happened to meet the bride, whom I had known since her childhood, I felt the need to communicate to her a word of blessing and a word of advice. I thought the best advice I could give her was the one St. Peter gave to the women of his time. I opened the First letter of St. Peter from the Bible and read it along with her. Although I have been familiar with this passage all my life, this time I read it to understand exactly what St. Peter was telling, and also to find out if his advice is still relevant in our time.
St. Peter advises wives and husbands separately, but the focus of his advice is on how a wife and husband can maintain their relationship intact. Two separate individuals who lead their separate lives, a man and a woman, come together to live their life together -- to eat together, to work together, to manage their home together, to sleep together, and to bring up their children together. They are supposed to stay together supporting each other until the very end. It is easy for two individuals to get attracted to each other, and then decide to live together. But it is not easy to keep their relationship and commitment intact all the way to the end. St. Peter gives a few pieces of advice that would help a couple stay united in their commitment to each other.
There will be situations in daily life when a husband and wife cannot agree with each other. What should they do in such situations? Let us imagine a situation in which a woman feels that she is right and her husband is acting silly and stupid. She wants to correct him. But how? This is a delicate situation indeed. If things are not handled right, their relationship can get strained, and eventually, they may end up having their separate lives again. Women usually have better verbal skills than men. A woman is often tempted to reason with her husband to convince him how she is right and how he is wrong. St. Peter advises the women of his time not to give in to such a temptation. This is similar to the temptation Adam and Eve had to face in the Garden of Eden, where each of them tried to prove him/herself right condemning the others wrong, and the result was a broken relationship. St. Peter suggests an alternative. Instead of arguing with her husband to convince him how foolish he is, she needs to be a role model to him by her behavior. In this way, she will be able to win her husband's heart. This is a call to rise to a higher level, with a lot of self-discipline and patience. Although such a woman looks very submissive, this submissiveness is not one of weakness or of failure, but of strength and victory. This victory is not just for herself, but for her husband too. If their relationship breaks, both of them fail; if they keep their relationship intact, they both win.
There is another major temptation women have to face-- to adorn themselves by braiding hair, with ornaments, and with fine clothes. Calling such adorments outward and temporary, St. Peter suggests another kind of adornment that is inward and permanent. A gentle behavior and a positive and thankful attitude are inward adornments that keep a woman beautiful always and everywhere. Without wasting their precious time, efforts, and money for external and temporary adornments, let women focus on what makes them really beautiful. Women are tempted to focus on external and temporary adornments in a culture that focuses on external adornments rather than on internal ones. In a culture in which a woman is praised for what she wears, rather than for her attitude and behavior, women tend to focus more on the externals.
St. Peter advises men to honor their wives, for they have equal rights before God. He concludes with an advice to all-- love one another, have a tender heart, and have a humble spirit. Do not repay evil for evil, but repay evil with a blessing.
St. Peter was not promoting male dominance. Nor was he promoting female dominance. He was promoting a culture in which there is no dominance of any kind. It is possible for both a man and a woman to get united as parts of a body. For example, the two feet in our body carry our body forward by cooperating with each other. Such a cooperation is possible for a man and a woman in a family setting.
Is St. Peter's advice relevant in our times? I think so. Ours is a time when family is dwindling and divorce rates are skyrocketing. There needs to be a conscious and sustained effort from husbands,wives, and also from everyone around them. Both men and women need to refrain from self-justification. This is an attempt to gain mastery not by force but by love. Women also need to learn to focus on internal beauty rather than on external beauty. Let us all turn from externals to internals. Let us stop praising people for what they wear, and let us start praising people for their positive attitude and for their good deeds. Let us create a culture in which neither men nor women dominate, but cooperate with one other, caring for and supporting one another.
